Indecision and Inspiration

Inspiration comes from so many places, people and experiences.  Children are a gift that is ours for a short while.  Loving them, guiding them, caring for them, listening to them… they offer so much inspiration!  Viewing the world through their eyes as they grow and change, I got to see the thrill of discovery and range of emotions from very different perspectives.

Each daughter, so different….. so unique.  Your world changes when you first discover that you will be a Mom.  The feeling  is indescribable as you laugh, scream, dance, worry, wonder …..what they will look like.  Will they be healthy? Will they love me?  Will I love them?  Will I know what to do?  Will I be able to let them go?

Listening to them read or sing or tell stories brings a feeling like bubbles in your stomach.  When they are two or three, the view of their world is small and safe and is simple to them.  They want it or they don’t.  They want to do it or they don’t.  They want to eat it or they don’t.  Choices are easy to make when they aren’t clouded by worry of consequences.  They don’t even know they might be missing something or be in danger.  So much emotion pours out of those tiny little people. 

When they were young, I was strong and smart and funny and not embarrassing in public!  Each passing year all of those adjectives change as they experience their ever-expanding world.  My influence gets smaller, my flaws are magnified.  Their choices get more complex, not as easy anymore. 

The journey through my memory brings flashes of little voices, smells, laugter, tears……..it is a roller coaster.  I choose to close my eyes when I fly by the screaming, fear and throwing of things.  I try to slow down the ride, savoring the precious sites and sounds of innocent, trusting, giggling, curious, beautiful children.  “Go, go ………you can do it!”, I tell them.  Encouraging them to try new adventures.  “Wait, wait………..be careful!”, I beg now.  “Please be safe….think about the consequences.”

We attempt to equip them to make their own decisions with wisdom and yet not be too afraid to actually live!  We hope they trust God to guide their path when they run away from us…….into the world.  I want them to go, don’t I ?  Did I teach them all they need to know?  Will they ever come back? 

Have fun watching from zero to finish!!  We really enjoyed completing a project in one day rather than having challenges that drag the process on for weeks.

August 19, 1989

Real life began,twenty years ago tomorrow….

    Twenty years ago from this very day, about this time I was saying goodbye to my soon to be family from Oklahoma and also to my future night in shining armor and was about to head to my Mom’s to spend my last night as a single young woman giggling with the “fun” Mom.  My last night to be with my little sister before she gained a new uncle.

     What an exciting week I had lived that week.  Planning a wedding and setting up housing at MTSU and getting registered for my second year of college all at the same time – WOW!  I had incredible energy back then! 

     Earlier that day, Richard, Cindy & Robert, were hanging our new curtains in our future home.  We had giggled and had so much fun.  Cindy was (and still is to this day) my very best friend.  She and Robert had been married in June of the same summer.   We (Cindy & I) had been living together at the house I grew up in since graduation. (My poor Daddy’s budget had to suffer some of my learning how to shop sensibly for groceries – that reminds me that I need to make sure my girls have learned all they need to feed 10 people for less than $5o!)    Anyhow, Cindy was my matron of honor and she and Robert somehow got stuck helping us hang the window treatments……..we might have been late to the rehearsal come to think of it!!  OR<>did I leave them all there to figure it out?  Sorry ya’ll!

    The rehearsal was going well, until my Daddy hugged me and asked if I was ok or something similiar and I just lost it!  I sobbed, maybe even launched into heave crying.  It was a great release from all of the stress, I think it was what helped me to be more relaxed the next day and be able save the makeup for the pictures that still hang on all of the families’ walls to this very day!

     The rehearsal dinner was wonderful with food cooked by my future mother-in-law and Richard’s aunts.  The evening was wonderful with both of families and special friends together. 

     So, back to this time of evening, after the rehearsal dinner.  Richard stayed at our apartment at the college with his two cousins from Oklahoma, Jeff & Chad.  Who knows what they were up to? Was Richard a dirty stop-out?  Really, does anyone know?  I went back to my Mom’s house.  We were supposed to get a good night’s sleep.  Yeah, right!  We stayed up so late, talking about all kinds of things.  Concerns, hopes, funny stories…….I remember having such a wonderful time.  It was a great time in my life.  For now, I find myself wanting to call my Mom and ask how she remembers that night.  Maybe Jennifer will remember some of it. 

     God has blessed me in so many way………… more later, for now – i want to go snuggle!

I just discovered a new way to save my husband from enduring a good old fashioned “hissie fit” pitching.

I have sent an email to a company to help find a solution to an issue that I am having and it really did help to diffuse my anger.  I feel so much better now.  The question is this:  will this email actually get anything accomplished with the company?  AND will I be embarrased by the way I went ”on about“  later?  SO, I will let you tell me what you think!

WOW!  isn’t it crazy how just the mention of a few words can trigger a memory of a song which then triggers a memory?  The memory so vivid that you can almost feel like a time traveler.  Smells can be like that, too.  Honeysuckle is a big scent for me……it takes me back to a little white church with a fence row beside the parking spaces that had honeysuckle growing, with other wild things.  Then the recovered memories trigger another one and another one, catapulting me through time and a range of emotions!

     From the honeysuckle memory, my mind jumps to a classroom in the little white church.  The classroom is in the basement, I can see the small high window.  MaryCatherine and Butch are leading our Sunday school class and offering BIG candy bars for memorizing the books of the Bible!   From that memory, my journey takes me to a neighborhood in Milford, Ohio.  It is the afternoon, beautiful weather…..my friend (I am too old to think of her name just now, I would call and ask my Mom……..but she is unavailable for questioning just now) is riding her bicycle and a bug flies into her ear.  She comes to the house screaming, a tortured little girl.  The above mentioned parents are relieved that she is not bleeding or on fire…….but are set into emergency mode to try and help their daughter kill/remove said bug from her tiny ear canal.  Let me relieve your worry, they did save her and her hearing.  My memory is foggy on if they actually went to the ER – I think they did!  My Mom stayed with the rest of their children – and ME!

     The next memory floods into my mind!  I am running in the dark.  I can smell the campfire that the adults are sitting around.  The boys have told us girls….me and Sonya and who knows who else?? really – does anyone remember?… that flying monkeys are after us! We take off running in the dark at the church campground.  I fall into a hole,  gee! I thought the hole was over there!!.,,,,, before I know what happened a man takes me to the men’s room!  Oh, what horror!  I am in the men’s room! Can’t they see that I am a girl??  Oh, now here comes my Mom.  She is upset.  I am not sure why, maybe because I am in the men’s room, or maybe because I am covered in mud.  My head hurts a little, too. Oh and now- Oh here we go!  Miss Dee is driving, is that what is terrifying my Mom?  Or is it the blood mixed with mud?  Then I am in a room with a light and people in green gowns………….soon the memory turns to me in a parking lot in a green paper gown and white paper slippers.  I feel GOOD!!  I am giggly!  They even gave me a coloring book!!

      Then whoosh- I see my first grade picture, the one with the HUGE white bandage on my forehead.  Now I reach up, yes it is still there – the scar.  And I am back in my kitchen.  Whoa- what a wild trip!!  All from a couple of words on Drew’s facebook!  I think I’ll get some breakfast!!

Working on a marriage retreat project, I ran across some precious pictures.  This discovery renews the inspiration I have for scrapbooking!  Oh, what a desire to make albumns ……procrastination keeps me from following through!

Maybe with a blog to report back to…….I’ll actually get back to it!

Enjoy a few of the memories …

Jennifer & Drew

Silly Girls !

Megan & Elizabeth

Family Trip to St.Louis

Family Trip Kentucky Welcome Center